100 questions to ask your grandparents (and how to ask them)

The best questions to ask your grandparents are open-ended questions about specific moments: the house they grew up in, the people they loved, the work they did, the hard times they got through, and what they want the family to remember. Below are 100 of them, grouped by stage of life, followed by tips for turning one-line answers into stories you'll want to keep.

How to use this list

You don't need to ask all 100. In fact, please don't.

• Pick five to eight questions per conversation, all from one section. Fifteen or twenty minutes is plenty; you can always come back.
• Start with the easy, concrete ones. "What did your kitchen look like?" is easier to answer than "What was your childhood like?"
• Ask one question at a time. "Where did you grow up, and what was your house like?" is two questions, and you'll only get an answer to one.
• Follow the story, not the list. If a question opens up something they want to talk about, stay there. The list is a starting point.
• Record it, with their permission. Your phone's voice recorder is enough.

Childhood and the house they grew up in

1. Where were you born? Did you grow up in the same place?
2. Close your eyes and picture the house you grew up in. What do you see first?
3. Who lived in that house with you?
4. Where did you sleep, and who did you share a room with?
5. What did your kitchen look like? What did it smell like?
6. What was a normal weekday like when you were a kid?
7. What chores did you have?
8. What games did you play, and who did you play with?
9. Did you have a favorite place to hide or be alone?
10. What were you afraid of as a child?
11. What's the earliest thing you remember?
12. What did you get in trouble for?

Their parents and grandparents

13. What were your parents' names, and where did they come from?
14. What did your father do for work? And your mother?
15. What's something your mother always used to say?
16. How did your parents show they loved you?
17. Which of your parents were you closer to? Why?
18. Did you know your own grandparents? What were they like?
19. Is there a family story that was told over and over when you were young?
20. What did your parents hope you would become?
21. Is there something about your parents you understood only when you got older?
22. What do you have from your parents that you still keep?

School and friends

23. What was your school like? How did you get there?
24. Who was your favorite teacher, and why?
25. What subject did you love, and which one did you dread?
26. Who was your best friend growing up? What did you do together?
27. How far did you go in school? Did you want to go further?
28. Did anything at school change the direction of your life?
29. What did kids do for fun on weekends?
30. Is there a friend from back then you still think about?

Growing up

31. What were you like as a teenager?
32. What music did you love? Where did you hear it?
33. What did you and your friends do on a Saturday night?
34. What were you allowed to do, and what wasn't allowed?
35. What did you want to be when you grew up?
36. Who did you look up to?
37. What was the first thing you bought with your own money?
38. When did you first feel like a grown-up?

Work and making a living

39. What was your very first job? How much did it pay?
40. How did you get the jobs you had?
41. What work were you proudest of?
42. Who was the best boss you ever had? The worst?
43. Was there a job you wanted but never got to do?
44. What did a typical workday look like?
45. What did you learn at work that you still use?
46. Did you ever have to start over somewhere new?
47. How did you and your family get by when money was tight?
48. If you could have done any job, what would it have been?

Love, marriage and partnership

49. How did you meet Grandpa (or Grandma)?
50. What was your first impression of them?
51. What did you do on your first date?
52. How did you know they were the one?
53. What did your parents think of them?
54. Tell me about your wedding day.
55. Where did you live when you were first married?
56. What was the hardest part of the early years together?
57. What do you think made your marriage work, or what would you do differently?
58. What advice would you give someone about love?

Raising a family

59. What do you remember about the day my parent was born?
60. What was my mom or dad like as a little kid?
61. What was the hardest part of raising children?
62. What did you do as a family on weekends or holidays?
63. What rules did you have in your house?
64. What was a typical family dinner like?
65. What did you worry about most as a parent?
66. Is there a moment as a parent you're especially proud of?
67. What did you learn from your children?
68. What do you hope your grandchildren know about you?

Food, holidays and traditions

69. What was the best thing your mother or grandmother cooked?
70. Is there a recipe that only you know how to make? Can you teach it to me?
71. What did you eat on special occasions?
72. Which holiday was the biggest deal in your family? How did you celebrate?
73. What traditions did you bring with you, and which did you start yourself?
74. What songs were sung at family gatherings?
75. Who was the life of the party in your family?
76. What's a family tradition you wish we still did?
77. What did birthdays look like when you were young?
78. Is there a place your family always went together?

Hard times and big changes

These can be harder to talk about. Ask gently, and let them decide how much to share.

79. What was the hardest time in your life? How did you get through it?
80. Did you ever move far from home? What was that like?
81. Who helped you most when things were difficult?
82. Is there a loss that still stays with you?
83. What's the bravest thing you've ever done?
84. Was there a moment when your life could have gone a completely different way?
85. What's something you were told you couldn't do, and did anyway?
86. What did hard times teach you?

History they lived through

87. What big events do you remember hearing about as they happened?
88. How did you get news when you were young?
89. What changed the most in your town or city over your lifetime?
90. What technology amazed you when it first came out?
91. What was something everyone did back then that people don't do now?
92. Is there a moment in history you'll never forget where you were?

Beliefs, lessons and looking back

93. What are you most grateful for?
94. What do you believe in, and has that changed over the years?
95. What's the best advice you ever received?
96. What would you tell your younger self?
97. What makes you laugh, even now?
98. What are you proudest of in your life?
99. How would you like to be remembered?
100. Is there anything you've never told anyone that you'd like the family to know?

How to get stories, not one-word answers

Asking is the easy part. These habits make the difference between "It was fine" and a story the whole family will want to hear.

• Ask for one specific time. Instead of "What was school like?", try "Tell me about a day at school you still remember."
• Ask how it felt. "What was that like for you?" or "Were you scared?" often opens more than any follow-up about facts.
• Follow the most alive part of the answer. If they mention their sister and their face changes, ask about the sister, not the next question on your list.
• Don't rush the silence. A pause usually means they're remembering, not that they're done.
• Don't correct them. If a date or a name is off, let it go. You're collecting their memory, not a history exam.
• Bring something to look at. Old photos, a recipe card or a piece of jewelry can bring back more than a question can.
• Keep it short and come back. Several short conversations beat one long one.

Recording the conversation

Ask permission first, and tell them who will hear it. Then:

1. Sit somewhere quiet, away from the TV and the kitchen.
2. Put your phone between you, closer to them than to you.
3. Say the date and their name at the start of the recording.
4. Back the file up somewhere safe the same day, and share a copy with the family.

If you can't always be there in person, or your grandparents are more comfortable telling their stories in Spanish, a tool like Dalia can hold these conversations for you by voice and keep each one for the family.

Frequently asked questions

How many questions should I ask in one sitting?

Five to eight questions, or about fifteen to twenty minutes, is a good amount for one conversation. Older adults often tire after that, and stories are better when they don't feel rushed. Pick questions from one topic and plan to come back another day.

What if my grandparent says they don't remember?

Make the question smaller and more concrete. Instead of "What was your childhood like?", ask about one room, one person or one meal. Photos and familiar objects help too. If a topic still doesn't bring anything back, move on to one they enjoy; memories often come back later in the conversation.

What's the best way to record my grandparents' stories?

Your phone's voice recorder is enough. Sit in a quiet room, keep the phone close to your grandparent, and back the recording up the same day. Video is lovely but optional; most families care most about hearing the voice.

Should I ask the questions in their first language?

Yes, if you can. People tell richer stories, with more detail and feeling, in the language they grew up speaking. If you don't speak it well, ask a relative to help, or use a tool that can interview them in their language.

Are there questions I should avoid?

Avoid pushing on painful topics like a loss, an illness or a family conflict unless they bring it up. If they do, listen, keep your questions gentle, and let them decide how much to share. It's always fine to say "We can talk about something else."